The Mysterious Kelvin Smith- The Phone Call (part 4)

from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 5:52 PM
subject Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dearest Kelvin,
I called your office approximately three hours ago, and was a told by a Mr. Jonny (I didn't catch his last name) that you were in a meeting, and that I would be fine if I were to call back in two and a half hour's time. At the end of our conversation, he wished that God blessed my family. It seems that not only are you a great man, Kelvin, but also your male secretaries as well. Either way, I've been trying to reach you, and cannot get through. Is there a time that I could call you?
Thank you very much for accepting my request that your Gift marry our son Thadeus. We are most honoured! We have docked for a bit, and Samantha is out shopping at the local Caribbean shops. She said she would be looking for a good souvenir for you and your wife (she said it was a surprise, but I hope you don't mind). She was thinking of these brilliant novelty "T-Shirts" that I've heard have recently become popular- something like "My (Blank) went to (Blank) and all he got me was this lousy t-shirt" Have you ever heard of anything so funny? Har Har! She said she would look for one where the first blank would say "Blood Brother" and the second would say "the Bahamas". I'm sure I don't need to tell you what the final makeup of the sentence would become.
I would really like to speak with you before sending in the forms that you've sent to me.
With love and affection,
Jonathan
P.S. The captain asked me a riddle last night, that I haven't yet been able to figure out. Maybe you can help. It starts "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?" I was a bit mystified by it, and (based on our bond of brotherhood) thought that perhaps you could shed light on it. God bless!
- Show quoted text 

from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 7:18 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Hello My Dear Brother,

You can call me now,the meeting is over,I'm waiting for your call now,I'm close to the phone.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.

Editor's note: And thus, I called Kelvin. We spoke for quite some time, though we kept getting cut off and it was difficult for me to understand his heavy accent. There is a video of my favorite parts. You could ask me (nicely) if you'd like to see it- j.ombud@gmail.com Not included in the highlights is a sequence where I tried to explain to him that I wanted his postal address as well, so that I could send the form by post as well as by e-mail. This was explained as my normal business procedures. It took him about five minutes to understand that I wanted his address, which he promised to send. Also, since we kept getting cut off, I asked if he could kindly send me a land-line number so that we could speak again (the number was a net-phone, and I wanted the police to get this fellow). He promised he would. I also told him I wasn't sure about how to send the bank transfer fee. He said we could "worry about that later". Afterwards, he told me he'd send me a name to wire it to. I gave him a description of the places I was looking into investing, including a five million dollar shopping centre. He thought that sounded good.

from: Kelvin Smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 8:40 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

It was nice speaking with you on the phone today,this are the information's below:

(1)This is the address below to send the Bank Transfer Form to:

Address: HSBC Bank plc
8 Canada Square
London E14 5HQ

and


(2) You are to send the Bank Transfer Fee via Western Union Money Transfer to the bank accountant name below:

Name: Micheal Brown

Address:London/United Kingdom

Make sure you post the bank form to the bank and also send the bank transfer fee via western union money transfer and the process of the funds will take place within 72hrs.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.

from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: Kelvin Smith
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 8:43 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Brother Kelvin,
How joyed I was that you agreed to enter into the Blood Oath with me! In my native Kosltlewick, this event is viewed very seriously, and will doubtless make my family proud.
You mentioned that you would write me an email, but it looks like I beat you to it! Har har! Either way, as soon as I get the postal address and the land line number that I can call you at, I will be forwarding the bank form to the bank, and sending you a copy as well. Please be in touch with me as soon as possible- I too would like to end this deal by the end of the week.
Yours always and forever,
Jonathan


from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 8:48 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Kelvin-
it looks like you beat me to it!
I still need the land line number before I can send the form
Multitudinous thanks,
Jonny

from: Kelvin Smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 12:13 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

This is my postal address below:

Address:12 Sherwood Street Piccadilly London W1F 7BR United Kingdom

This is my office Land phone number +448700111740 for security reason,it will not be wise to call me on it because all calls are recorded.

Thanks and Remain Bless

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.


from: Kelvin Smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 12:17 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

This is my postal address below:

Address:12 Sherwood Street Piccadilly London W1F 7BR United Kingdom

This is my office Land phone number +448700111740 for security reason,it will not be wise to call me on it because all calls are recorded.

Thanks and Remain Bless

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.


Editor's note: I checked the Internet for the address and phone number- the address is of some hotel, and the number is one that's been used in many scams (and no one answers). I had been betrayed! Nevertheless, the show must go on...

The Mysterious Kelvin Smith (part 3)- Things Get Personal

from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: Kelvin Smith
date: Thu, Jun 26, 2008 at 11:30 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Mr. Smith,
Thank you again! I've received your form, and have filled it out, but there are two concerns that I must first share with you. Firstly, I am slightly bothered by the fact that I have to pay 1500 pounds to complete the transfer- will I be refunded for that? However, I am more disturbed that you seem to be ignoring many common pleasantries- you did not even acknowledge my invitation to our barbeque, you have not asked me about my family at all, nor as to how our holiday is going. I am a family man, Mr. Smith; I run a family business. I am offering you a bond of family that very few real estate agents can understand. I have business connection so I can buy real estate in large quantities in a very short time period. I assure you, whatever the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won't be there. As a family man, I insist on running my business a certain way, and would really appreciate much more if our relationship also had a personal aspect to it. I'm not asking for too much- I don't think we need to be best mates, but I quite resent your lack of responsiveness to my friendly advances. Until you agree to rectify this, I won't be able to continue doing business with you, though I really would like to.
Awaiting your response,
J.H. Ombudsman
Director
Plainview Estates


Editor's note: The "I am a family man, I run a family business etc." is a paraphrased quote from the character Daniel Plainview in the movie "There Will Be Blood", which I highly recommend.

Now the real question was- would Kelvin play ball?

from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr

to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Thu, Jun 26, 2008 at 12:11 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear J.H. Ombudsman,

With all due respect,I'm very sorry for not acknowledged your invitation to your barbecue and for not asking after your family,please accept my apology.

How are you and your family? I hope you and your family are having good holiday trip in Bahamas,I wish,I'm not busy,I would have love to join you with my wife (Jane smith) and my kids (Larry,Gift and Paul),but I'm very busy,I'm sorry.

There is nothing to be bothered about,the 1,500 pounds is refundable and the money is for the Bank Administrative charges Fee to transfer the funds from HSBC BANK into your personal account within 72hrs,so you are advice to go ahead and make the payment to the bank.

I'm very glad to hear that you are connected to buy real estate in large quantities in a very short time period,and I don't want to loss this big opportunity,I'm willing to do business with you,I have now taken you as my my family friend,when you return back to Manchester I will come with my family to pay you and your family a visit so that we can get to know each other more better and also discuss on how to invest the funds in real estate business,I'm looking forward to meet you and family soon.

Please fill the bank transfer form and send it back via email to the bank along with the bank transfer fee (1,500 pounds).

Thanks once more and God bless you and your family.

Best Regards,
Kelvin Smith

Editor's note: Fabulous! I hadn't yet met someone with the English name Gift, so I decided to find out more about this person. 

from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 12:28 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Mr. Smith,
Your last email made me joyous to no end. Thank you for having God bless me and my family. Brother Kelvin (now that we are formally entering into this business relationship, I feel comfortable referring to you as my brother), I am looking forward to doing business with you as I have not looked forward to many previous dealings.
Unfortunately, I don't have all of my banking details on me. As you know, I am on holiday, and don't save secure information like that in my mobile computer. I have sent an email to my bank to get all of the details necessary to fill out the forms properly. This should take a couple of days. In the mean-time, we can get to know each other a bit better.
Samantha and I are quite enjoying the holiday- there's fishing every day, and we're getting a fabulous tan! There seems to have been some misunderstanding- from your email it seems apparent that you think my whole family is here, while it is really only Sam and I (we're taking holiday to celebrate our fortieth anniversary). No worries, old chap!
I was born in a poor town in northern England to a family of coal miners. We had things very difficult whilst I was a youngster. I won't get too much into the family history at this point (it's quite tragic), but through my God given talent and perseverance I was able to climb out of the stink-hole that was the mine town my family lived in and built a vast real-estate empire. I was constantly spurred on by an Ombudsman family adage "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the respect." I live by this motto.
May I be so bold as to ask some questions of your family? I noticed that you and the wonderful Mrs. Jane Smith have three children- Larry, Gift and Paul. I hope they are doing well. Gift is such an interesting name- I am ashamed to admit that I have never heard of a girl having that name (my son Trevor does have a few school friends named Gift, but they're all male). Is she named after someone? Perhaps a late relative?
Looking back, I realise that the email I've written is quite long, but I have had quite a few pina coladas, so I'm feeling a bit tipsy. I think I'm going to go lie down.
Wishing you all the best, and may God bless you, your family, and your family's family forever more
Yours truly in Brotherhood,
J.H. Ombudsman Esq.
P.S. I was assured by my bank assistants that they would send me the information as soon as humanly possible (I pay them quite well after all).

"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant" Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg 1865

Editor's note: The Ombudsman family adage was also used in the film "Scarface" without our permission. We are seeking restitution. Kelvin responded with three emails which are all basically the same. 


from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 12:37 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Brother Ombudsman,

How are you and Sam? From your last message I know you guys are having a great fun in bahamas.If I may ask,is there a way I can reach you on the phone??

You have a wonderful family me like me,,,,Gift is my only daughter and she is a gift from God to me and my wife,that is why we named her Gift.

I just got a call from the bank (Hsbc Bank London) that the form should filled as soon as possible and return back to them,plesae I will advice you to contact the bank via email and explain to them.

Waiting to read from you soon.

Thanks and God bless.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.


from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 2:08 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings


Dear Blood Brother Kelvin,
I am still awaiting a reply from my bank. I can barely wait until we close this deal! I will speak with the captain and the first mate to see if there's a possibility of having a phone line open for you to call, but it will probably be easier for me to call you (there is no place for me to wait by a phone).
It is good to hear that you view your daughter Gift as a gift from Above. Are you a believing man? My faith has guided me through many difficulties in life, as I've mentioned before, and as my father said "Ask not what Faith can do for you, but ask what you can do for your Faith."
How old is your daughter Gift? My family believes in arranged marriages, and my son Thadeus is approaching that age where he would be ready to settle down. I would of course like to meet you first, but do you think that yourself and Jane would be open to discussing this matter? I've talked it over with Samantha, and she seems to think it's quite a good idea- she says you can clearly see from your letters and generosity that you come from good family. I would not think of it as losing a son, but as gaining a daughter. My grandfather always said "Walk softly, but carry a big stick".
I must go! The pool awaits!
Best wishes, and God bless,
J.H.W. Ombudsman III
P.S. I await your reply in regards to the possibility of my calling you, but I will also be checking with the captain- an old friend of mine.
- Show quoted text -

from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 5:50 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dearest Kelvin,
I just spoke with the captain, and he informed me that the only phone they have on board our cruise ship is for procedural use only, and even though we know each other from long ago he can not allow me to use it. We are docking at a port tomorrow, and I will be able to use a pay phone there when I get in. Is it urgent that we speak? Would I be able to call you? If not, maybe there's some other option we can think of.
Yours truly,
Jonathan

Editor's note: Still not having heard from Kelvin, I was worried that the marriage proposal had pushed him too far. Maybe we weren't at that point in our relationship yet. I tried fixing it.

from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Mon, Jun 30, 2008 at 5:51 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings


Dearest Kelvin,
In addition I want to apologise profusely for speaking of your daughter in my last email. Although I would be honoured if you would consider the idea, it was totally out of place. Would you think about it?
Jonathan
- Show quoted text -

from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 1:17 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Brother Jonathan,

Keep me posted as soon as you have your bank account details and fill it on the bank transfer form.

My daugther is just 19yrs old June 23rd,she's too young to marry now but after her schooling,but nevertheless,when you come to manchester we will sit down to discuss on that,I will be glad to give my daugther to your son,because you are a good family friend.

I'm a strong believer,a deacon in my church and a God fearing person..

You can reach me on my phone number +447024092321,waiting for your call.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.

from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 1:24 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings


Hello Brother,

There is nothing wrong asking after my daugther in marriage for your son,is a good idea,we will discuss on that when we meet,but be rest asure that I will be glad to give my daugther to son,as long your son will take good care of her.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.


from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 1:28 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings

Dear Brother,

Since there is no way I can reach you,You can reach me on my phone number +447024092321,waiting for your call.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith

Editor's note: Since Kelvin had given me his phone number (twice actually), I decided to call the London Metropolitan Police Fraud Squad and tell them everything (excluding the existence of Jonathan Ombudsman). The officer who took down my report was quite thrilled that I didn't give Kelvin any of my bank account info. I asked him if it was okay if I tried to find out more about Kelvin, and he said he didn't want to bother me. I told him it would be my pleasure...

The Mysterious Kelvin Smith (part 2)- Things Get Serious

Editor's note: This section of email runs contains our first serious discussions of how we're going to transfer this large sum of money. At this point, we're still strictly business (unless my personal life interferes with Kelvin's plans). 

from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: j.ombud@gmail.com
date: Thu, Jun 19, 2008 at 2:13 AM
subject: Attn:Jonathan Ombudsman
signed-by
June 19

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

Please from now on, contact me via my private email address kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr with your direct phone number so that I can call you to discuss on how to move the funds to you for investment purposes.

Waiting to read from you and to have your direct phone number.

Best Regards,

Kelvin Smith.
Personal Private Email:kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr


from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Thu, Jun 19, 2008 at 11:47 PM
subject: Business Dealings
Jun 19


Dear Mr. Smith,
How are you doing, old chap? Things up at the farm are doing quite well. We're planning quite a get-together this Saturday. Perhaps you'd be interested in joining us (we understand if that's not possible- it's quite a drive from London). Samantha is planning on making an American style "barbeque", and my job is to prepare the roast beef. All of the children and their families will be there.
I am quite confused- it certainly seemed as if your gmail account was your personal one. Do you possibly work for Google, and as such have your gmail account is work-related?
With your regards to your request for a direct phone number, I regret to inform you that currently our phone line is having a bit of trouble. There was some misunderstanding with the phone company, and they accidentally disconnected our line. I spoke to them, and they apologised profusely and said that the worker who was responsible had been fired already, but that it would be a week or so until the line is back up. I personally think that they're not telling me the whole truth (how could it take a week to put in a phone line?), and that there's something more serious going on. Do you think it's possible that my association with your client will cause the government to insert listening devices on my phone, because if so I may have to reconsider our dealings.
Either way, I hope things are well, and please do tell me about your Saturday plans.
Sincerely yours,
Jonathan Horatio Ombudsman

"All your base, are belong to us" Corinthians 2:13


from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Sun, Jun 22, 2008 at 1:11 AM
subject: Re : Business Dealings
 Jun 22

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

I've been very busy making plans to move the funds from Africa to London by a diplomat,the funds will be packaged as a consignment to you and it will be brought by a diplomat but content of the consignment will not be disclose to the diplomat,so you adive not to disclose the content to the diplomat when claim the consignment funds.

The diplomat will move on 25-06-2008 from africa with consignment funds and he will arrive London on 26-06-2008 and you are to travel down to London to claim the consignment funds.

If you are Ok with this plans do reply me so that I can go ahead with the new plan.
Waiting to read from you.
Regards,
Kelvin Smith.


Editor's note: To be honest, this whole coming to London to meet the diplomat kind of freaked me out. What were they planning on doing? Mugging me? Making me sign forms? Putting me in a comfy chair? I had to get out of England, and fast.


from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 2:01 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Jun 23

Dear Mr. Smith
I am truly sorry that I did not inform you of my upcoming vacation sooner- I thought the type of business we would be doing could be taken care of over the phone and Internet. Samantha and I are going on a three week cruise tomorrow in the Bahamas- I will be unable to meet your diplomat friend later this week. Is there any way I could get in touch with him to set up another meeting or one of my associates to collect the money from him?
Even though I am traveling, I still we checking my email regularly.
We missed you at the barbeque! Samantha would really love to meet you when you have a chance. Would you perhaps like to join us for part of the cruise?
Sincerely,
J.H. Ombudsman
"There's no crying in baseball" James Dugan, April 14, 1944 Normandy



from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 5:15 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Jun 23


Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

This is sudden information that you are traveling to bahamas for crusie and there is no way I can stop the diplomat from coming to London,I will advice you to extend your trip to bahamas so that you can claim the consignment funds from the diplomat by tomorrow,I have called the diplomat to leave africa this night so that he can arrive London first thing tomorrow morning.

This is a million dollar deal and we need to take it serious,plesae extend your trip for just two days so that you can claim the consignment from the diplomat,I need a phone number to give to the diplomat so that he can call you as soon as he arrives London with consignment.

Wating to read from you soon.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.

Editor's note: Realising that he had forgotten to turn on the spell-check for that last gem, Kelvin thought it would be best to send the same email with better spelling (his grammar check, fortunately, was not turned on). 

from: Kelvin Smith
reply-to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Mon, Jun 23, 2008 at 5:16 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Jun 23

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

This is sudden information that you are travelling to Bahamas for Cruise and there is no way I can stop the diplomat from coming to London,I will advice you to extend your trip to bahamas so that you claim the consignment funds from the diplomat by tomorrow,I have called the diplomat to leave Africa this night so that he can arrive London first thing tomorrow.

This is a million dollar deal and we need to take it serious,please extend your trip for just two days so that you can claim the consignment from the diplomat,I need a phone number to give to the diplomat so that he call you as soon as arrive London with consignment.

Waiting to read from you soon.

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.


Editor's note: Also, the second one was written in italics, and blue. Either way, our reservations were set in stone, and it would be very difficult for me to change them. 

from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 8:38 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Jun 24

Dear Mr. Smith,
I am very sorry, but by the time I received your email we were already on the way. Is there any way I could arrange for someone else to meet the diplomat in my stead? Thanks muchly,
J.H. Ombudsman
- Show quoted text -


from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvinsmith200008@yahoo.fr
date: Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 2:41 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Jun 24

Dear Mr. Smith,
I once again want to apologise for what just went down. Is there another way that I could get in touch with the diplomat, and ask him to meet when I come back? Is there a way he can drop the package off with some associates of mine? Please let me know very much. I am still very much looking forward to doing business with you and your client.
Yours truly,
J.H. Ombudsman III
"Never tell anyone outside the Family what you're thinking again" Sicilians 4:72
- Show quoted text -


from: Kelvin Smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Tue, Jun 24, 2008 at 10:44 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Jun 24

Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,

I don't like the Idea of your business friend to claim the consignment on your behalf,I have a better plans,the transfer will done online via Bank to Bank.

The Diplomate arrived London today and the funds has been deposited in HSBC BANK LONDON and you are to fill the attached bank transfer form below with your bank account so the funds can be transfer into your personal account.

Fill the bank transfer form and send it to back to the bank via email and your account will be credited within 72hrs

Bank: Hsbc Bank London Plc
Name: Mrs Jane Freedom
Email: hsbcbanklondon@rocketmail.com

Keep me posted as soon as contacted the bank with the Bank Transfer Form..

Regards,
Kelvin Smith.
- Show quoted text -

Editor's note: Bank details! This is more like it! No more dark alley muggings! Just so you know, Kelvin sent me the same email again (with less details) a few minutes later. Now the real game had begun...

The Mysterious Kelvin Smith (part 1)- The Hook

Editor's note: This section covers the very first emails, where the connection was made, and my open nature was limited and Kelvin decided to not relate to it. 

From: KELVIN SMITH
Date: Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 1:21 PM
Subject: INVESTMENT IN YOUR COUNTRY!!!
To:


Attn: Sir/Madam,

REQUESTING A DISCREET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

I am a freelance, independent investment broker based here in Britain.Due to my privileged African background,I have been consulted by an erstwhile top-ranking member of a front line liberation movement in Liberia,whose organization had engaged the Liberian government in a protracted civil war since 1985.My client now wishes to channel $20 million into productive or real estate ventures instead of war.

He looks to make this investment discreetly under discretionary asset management arrangement.I am seeking a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to provide either an existing bank account or set up a new Bank account to receive this fund, even an empty account can serve this purpose,or you help to seek an honest and, reliable businessman who can assist us.

I have contacted you on the consideration that I could discuss with you on the possibility of my client placing this fund with you for management either in your existing establishment or other venture to be undertaken at your discretion under terms to be agreed upon.He prefers that this investment be made in your country.

would be expecting your response in order that we may discuss further in detail.

Please send your response to my personal email:kelvin_smith_60@yahoo.co.uk

Yours faithfully,

Kelvin Smith



Jonathan Ombudsman to kelvin_smith_60
Jun 6

Dear Mr. Smith,
I would be delighted to help participate in your venture. I discussed it already briefly with my wife Samantha and she is on board as well! We actually have a vested interest in this project succeeding, because our oldest son Immanuel went over in the early 80's to do aid work in Liberia, and when the civil war began he took up arms to defend principles that were quite dear to him. But that's neither here nor there.
Although I am sure that you must be as discreet as possible, is there anything that I could possibly know about your client or the group that he formerly supported?
Please just let me know what information you would like me to provide, and how exactly we can do business. I will sign off with my full legal name, and we can consider that a beginning.
Have a superb weekend!
Jonathan Horatio Ombudsman




kelvin smith to me
Jun 8

Dear Jonathan Horatio Ombudsman,

Thank you for your prompt response.
I can assure you that there are lots of benefits for you after this transaction is over.It is going to be in two transactions,we will start the first transfer with $15,000,000 which you will be getting 10% of the the funds transfered into your account.My client is highly interested in property investment in your country.So If there is no hitches or disappointment from your side after the first transfer is being made,i will instruct the bank manager to direct the remaining funds to your account immediately.

I want you to introduce yourself to me,

(What do you do for a living?Are you married with kids and can you handle the property business for my client in your country without exposing him?),I need an answer from you so that by this week we will start up the transfer of the fifteen million Dollars [$15,000,000] into your account.

What I seek from you ar e :
(1) You partake with me in the transfer of this funds to your account as you would provide a bank account or accounts to safely accommodate the money.

(2) You are to manage the net balance in secured
Property and real estate managment (which you will be in charge of) in your country.

(3) You will further earn a 20% of the accrued profit on resultant investment of my clients funds.

(4) Provide me your full names, the nature of your business, and your private telephone and fax number.

I will like to seek your opinion asking you if you can travel to London for documentations covering you as the beneficiary of the funds or more so i can arrange for a lawyer in London to stand in as your legal representative and have him prepare the transfer document in your name and contact the bank in London where the funds are deposited on your behalf

I will forward over to you some document which you wi ll send to the lawyer to enable him contact the BANK in London where funds are deposited if you insist that the option of the lawyer should be used.


Yours faithfully,
Kelvin Smith




from: kelvin smith
to: j.ombud@gmail.com
date: Sun, Jun 8, 2008 at 10:42 AM
subject: Acknowledgement

Jun 8

Dear Jonathan Horatio Ombudsman,

Thank you for your prompt response.
I can assure you that there are lots of benefits for you after this transaction is over.It is going to be in two transactions,we will start the first transfer with $15,000,000 which you will be getting 10% of the the funds transfered into your account.My client is highly interested in property investment in your country.So If there is no hitches or disappointment from your side after the first transfer is being made,i will instruct the bank manager to direct the remaining funds to your account immediately.

I want you to introduce yourself to me,

(What do you do for a living?Are you married with kids and can you handle the property business for my client in your country without exposing him?),I need an answer from you so that by this week we will start up the transfer of the fifteen million Dollars [$15,000,000] into your account.

What I seek from you ar e :
(1) You partake with me in the transfer of this funds to your account as you would provide a bank account or accounts to safely accommodate the money.

(2) You are to manage the net balance in secured
Property and real estate managment (which you will be in charge of) in your country.

(3) You will further earn a 20% of the accrued profit on resultant investment of my clients funds.

(4) Provide me your full names, the nature of your business, and your private telephone and fax number.

I will like to seek your opinion asking you if you can travel to London for documentations covering you as the beneficiary of the funds or more so i can arrange for a lawyer in London to stand in as your legal representative and have him prepare the transfer document in your name and contact the bank in London where the funds are deposited on your behalf

I will forward over to you some document which you wi ll send to the lawyer to enable him contact the BANK in London where funds are deposited if you insist that the option of the lawyer should be used.


Yours faithfully,
Kelvin Smith


Editor's note: And thus began Kelvin's custom of sending me multiple e-mails- sometimes completely identical, sometimes slightly different.





from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvin smith
date: Sat, Jun 14, 2008 at 11:16 PM
subject: Re: Acknowledgement

Jun 14


Dear Mr. Smith,
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to your original letter. I have quite a backlog here at work. To answer your questions, I am semi-retired real estate agent, age 65. I live with my wife Samantha in Manchester. We have three wonderful children- 1) Albert, who (as I mentioned in my previous letter) served in Liberia for some time 2) Leslie, currently married with two children and 3) Robert- he's still trying to find his way.
I definitely will be able to handle the real estate investments in a professional and discrete manner- it is the manner in which I was trained. What sort of properties is your client looking to buy? Large estates? Condominiums? Shopping Centres? I need information as soon as possible so as to start working with my network of resources (we may have to go a bit slower so that no one catches on to what we're doing, if you know what I mean).
As regards to the information that you request my full name (as I have mentioned before) is Jonathan Horatio Ombudsman, and I used to work Manchester Mansion Realty (now bankrupt, but through no fault of mine), but now am self-employed in my new semi-retired state.
I also have a few queries that I wonder if perhaps you could respond to. Will the money transfer be made all at once? Not to get pushy, but I was wondering how much of it I will be able to keep as commission in the end? Also, I would really like to give some of my share to you, for putting me in touch with your contact. I was thinking of giving you around 20 percent or so. Do you think that's reasonable?
Have a splendid night,
Jonathan Ombudsman
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"



from: kelvin smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 5:46 PM
subject: Re: Acknowledgement

Jun 16

Dear Ombudsman,
I have gone through your mail and appreciate your interest and idea towards the succesful of this transaction.

My client will be interested in Large estates,Shopping Centres and any lucreative business that will be supervised under you.I could understand that you have got experience in good investment. This is the reason why we want to work with you.

I need your details so that i can start with the paper work to enable you contact the paying bank for the release of funds. I need to give you a Power Of Attorney and the Certificate Of Deposit to give you full legal right to carry on this project on my clients behalf.

I need your direct telephone and fax numbers including your home/office address in order to secure documents with your righful details.

As soon as all the releasing documents are ready, i will forward to you along with the bank contact.
Waiting for your response.

Best Regards,

Kelvin Smith.

Editor's note: Phone line? Looks like he's interested!

My Humble Beginning

On a dark, rainy night many years ago (May 2008), a certain "Paul Young" sent out an urgent e-mail, which the archive keepers have still not managed to locate despite searching for many decades. In his epistle, Mr. Young wrote that he was just an ordinary bank worker with an extraordinary secret that could enrich any who joined him. He told of a bank account held by a man named Paul Ombudsman, with holdings in the millions. Unfortunately, Paul and his wife were killed in the Tsunami back in 2004. His account had lay dormant for the past four years. The evil bank was going to close the account very shortly, unless Mr. Ombudsman's heir could be found. Paul Young was looking for a brave individual to pose as Mr. Ombudsman's relative, and in so doing, free the money from the greedy hands of the bank. On that dark night, I, Jonathan Ombudsman, was born. My mission was simple: hand Mr. Young my bank account details (so that he could transfer the funds into them), and let him do all the work. It all seemed to simple. Or so he thought...