to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Fri, Jul 4, 2008 at 4:49 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Dear Brother,
I have not read from you for the past few days,what is going on? I hope all is well with you and your wife?
Reply me back as soon as you read this message.
Thanks, Kelvin Smith.
from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvin smith
date: Fri, Jul 4, 2008 at 6:31 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Dearest Blood Brother,
I am sorry for the delay in my sending-in of the form-of-which-you-speak-so-highly. Meow. There was this terrible sand storm in the Bahamas the last few days, and all of our communications were knocked out. It was just dreadful outside, but we were able to have ping-pong and croquet tournaments inside to keep us busy (Separately, of course- you can't play ping-pong and croquet together! Har har! Meow!). Either way (sorry for getting off track), the point is that I sent the form in approximately two hours ago, and simultaneously posted to the address-of-which-you-speak-so-highly. I am making preparations to have the transfer fee wired to Micheal (are you sure he doesn't spell it Michael) Brown. Please tell me when the form is finished processing. I am sorry for the delay in this business- as we'd mentioned we BOTH wanted to have this whole thing patched up by the end of the week, but it looks like that won't be happening meow.
With best wishes for a warm and comfortable weekend meow,
J.H. Ombudsman
Frontiersman
"Tis not to the one who meows the most, but to the one who meows last" Confucius circa 1923
P.S. I might not necessarily be able to check my email over the weekend, but please let me know when the transfer goes through.
Editor's note: Truth be told, the form had not been sent in.
from: Kelvin Smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Fri, Jul 4, 2008 at 8:58 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Dear Brother,
Thanks my dear brother for the update,I was very worried for not reading from you but know my mind is at rest after reading from you.
I'm glad you have send the form and by Monday the bank will get the Form and the process of the funds will take place and I will advice you to send the transfer fee on Monday so that as soon as the bank is getting the bank form,they also getting the transfer fee,please keep me posted as you wired the transfer fee.
The mistake is from me,no nobody is above mistake,thanks for the correction.
Name:Micheal Brown
Address:London/Brown
I hope we round up this transaction by next week.
My Regards To Wife,
Kelvin Smith.
Editor's note: I'm not sure what's funnier- that he once again spelled the guy's name "Micheal", or that he thought I would actually send it.
from: Jonathan Ombudsman
to: kelvin smith
date: Sun, Jul 6, 2008 at 10:54 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Dearest Kelvy,
I knew that you were worried for not reading from you. Since we have made this bond of friendship, our souls are linked in the intergalactic battlefields, and anything you feel, I feel as well. In addition, anything you can do I can do better. It is all related, and in the end is part of the Master Plan.
Please let me know when the transfer goes through, and when Michelle Brown receives the transfer fee. Are there many Michelle Browns in London? Will she have trouble receiving the fee? These questions and more continually haunt me at night, despite the fact that I am on holiday (and sleeping like a baby). However, because of the intergalactic battlefield connection, I'm sure you already knew this. Please forgive my doubting you.
Thank you for your regards to wife. She many appreciative.
We've spoken to our son Finnigan about your daughter (Gift). He wasn't so thrilled at the time, but we'll soon have our way. I'm sure you know how to discipline children (you continually ask them nicely).
I eagerly await the end of this stage of the transaction, and the bond of blood that awaits us when we return from the cruise.
With warm regards,
J.H.M. Ombudsman
"The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?" -King Arthur, circa many years ago
from: Kelvin Smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 5:06 PM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Dear Brother,
How are you and your family? I hope you had a lovely weekend?
Your last message was not well understood by me,plesae explain in details and make yourself very clear.Have you send the transfer via western union?If yes,update me with details and If no,they why?
This message below is not well understood by me:
Please let me know when the transfer goes through, and when Michelle Brown receives the transfer fee. Are there many Michelle Browns in London? Will she have trouble receiving the fee? These questions and more continually haunt me at night, despite the fact that I am on holiday (and sleeping like a baby). However, because of the intergalactic battlefield connection, I'm sure you already knew this
Waiting to read from you soon.
Best Regards,
Kelvin Smith.
Editor's note: I was confused. Was Kelvin just confused about the part with the transfer fee, or was the intergalactic battlefield connection bothering him?
to: kelvin smith
date: Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 12:36 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Dearest Kelvin,
I am truly sorry that you did not understand. Your confusion is my confusion, and the confusion must end. I will shine light upon this matter so that it shall be eminently understandable. For in truth, it is my fault that you are confused Brother Kelvin. I have not explained myself well. But I have learned an important lesson from you. That lesson is that one must take responsibility for mistakes. You may not remember, but just a few emails you go you told me (and I quote) : "The mistake is from me,no nobody is above mistake,thanks for the correction." That quote really showed me what kind of a man you are, Brother Kelvin (I didn't mention it at the time for fear of jinxing it). A man who can, in a few short, sweet words, eloquently accept responsibility for his actions, and fix them! This sentence of yours really touched me, and I will add it to the bank of quotes with which I finish off emails.
I'm sorry for getting off topic, but I just felt the need to express my gratitude to you. Either way, I'm sorry for confusing your confusion, and in so doing disrupting the interstar satellite hook-up time-link we have going on between us. Without further ado, I will explain what I meant:
Yesterday I went to wire the transfer fee to one "Michelle Brown" of London. When I went to the transfer office they informed me that "Michelle Brown" is a somewhat common name, and London is a fairly large city (but not as good as Manchester! Har!). This is what I intended in my email to you. I think I had met a Michelle Brown who works for HSBC a few years back. I was able to describe her fairly well to the transfer office official, and he said he'd see what he could do about it. The Michelle I recall is 5 foot 4 inches tall, wears her brown hair in a bun, and usually walks around with a peacock feather tucked into this bun. He said that he didn't think that would be enough- do you have more information for me? Is it possible that you and I are thinking of TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MICHELLE BROWNS? I must let you know that it is entirely possible that the official was saying something else- our conversation took place in an ancient Mayan dialect, in which I am not completely fluent, although I can get by.
In regards to the form, it's been now a few days since I sent it in. Has it been processed yet? What's going on? When can I give the go-ahead in regards to the investments? The shopping-centre owners have informed me that we must act hastily!
I also have a question for you, Kelvin, that Samantha and I have been debating on the cruise. It is something that I've been thinking a lot about, and we need you to settle the issue so that I can fully devote myself to our business relationship and growing friendship. We are planning on buying a yacht when we come back (you and Jane are invited to join us whenever you please), but we're still debating the name. We've decided that YOU should be the one to decide (although I'm sure you've already heard all of this through the battle center). Here are the choices: "Chicken of the Sea" or "Apocalypse Meow". I won't tell you which of them Sam chose, and which I chose (I don't want to influence your decision), but I cannot stress how important this question is (although I'm sure it seems silly to an important person, such as yourself). You MUST decide. Please hurry
Thank you, and God Bless
Jonathan
"The mistake is from me,no nobody is above mistake,thanks for the correction." -The Honourable Kelvin Smith, July 4th 2008.
Editor's note: I wasn't sure if maybe I was pushing Kelvin a bit too far in this last email. I'd already felt that I was pushing the boundaries of the believable, but this last email was a bit over the top, even by the standards of Jonathan Ombudsman. Less than an hour later, I had the answer.
from: Kelvin Smith
to: Jonathan Ombudsman
date: Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 1:36 AM
subject: Re: Re : Business Dealings
Dear Jonathan Ombudsman,
Stop playing games with me,you not a serious business man,your message makes no meaning to me,I will look for somelse...You are just a Joker.Har Har
Take care.
Kelvin Smith.
Editor's note: His "Har Har" is classic. Kelvin has quite a sense of humour. I was going to miss him. Unless...
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